If you’ve been following my newsletter for a while, you may know that back in July I became the primary carer for my Grandma – a ‘job’ that gives me a great sense of purpose and joy. I honestly get teary thinking how truly special this time of my life is where I can raise a young family, care for my Grandma and run my own business. We are truly blessed.
It has also opened my eyes to the day-to-day mental load that carers carry. Inherently small thoughts or tasks can add up quickly… ‘have they taken their tablets?’, ‘they’ve been in the shower for a while… are they okay?’, ‘their blinds aren’t up yet this morning, should I check on them?’, ‘do they have enough moisturiser?’, ‘have I stocked up on their favourite foods?’, ‘what appointments do we have this week?’, ‘when can we get to the shops for some new shoes?’ - the list is endless.
Whilst my Grandma is still very independent and requires minimal assistance, I could quickly see the parallels to having a young child and juggling the mental load. It’s often not the size of the tasks, but the sheer quantity that can feel overwhelming and quickly lead to carer stress and burnout. This can also make it challenging to outsource or share the load, as none of the tasks on their own feel big enough to handover e.g. ‘I might as well cook their dinner, because I’m cooking my own anyway’ or ‘it’s easiest for me to take them to the doctors as I made the appointment and know the details’.
For this reason, the theme I’ve chosen for November is
Carer Stress and Burnout.
National Carer Week was celebrated from 13th to 19th October 2024, so it felt fitting to shine some light on the role carers play in our community and how we can best support them. A report released by the ABS in July 2024 advised that one in eight Australians (11.9%) provide unpaid care to people with a disability or older people, equating to 3 million carers in Australia. This is a huge percentage of the population providing unpaid care.
Are you yourself are a carer? Or do you know someone who is the primary carer for someone with a disability of older person? If you are one, hats off to you! And thank you for the incredible role you play in supporting those who need help in our community.
A 2021 Carer Wellbeing Survey published by Carers Australia reported the following:
Carers are 2.5x more likely to have low wellbeing than the average Australian – 55% having low wellbeing, compared to 20% of the broader population.
45% of Australian carers have poor health, compared to 21% of adult Australians.
Carers were 3x more likely to experience loneliness, with 35% of carers ‘often or always’ feeling lonely.
52.8% of carers reported that their household was either very poor, poor or just getting along financially, compared to 33.8% of Australians.
64% of carers reported not having enough time for themselves.
54.5% of carers had more responsibilities than they felt they could cope with.
52.1% of carers feared they would not be able to continue as a carer.
What these statistics tell us is that carers desperately need support in our communities and I believe that responsibility sits with all of us.
SO, WHAT CAN WE DO TO SUPPORT OUR CARERS?
I thought it would be helpful to separate this into ‘if you are one’ and ‘if you know one’, because most of us will fall into one of those two categories.
IF YOU ARE A CARER
Regular breaks and time out
Before you start rolling your eyes and thinking ‘but Kate, I don’t have time to take a break!’… I see you, but hear me out. Without a doubt, a 6-week holiday to the South coast of France would fix a lot of problems, but that’s not what I’m talking about here. I encourage you to find small pockets of time for you throughout your day, week and month.
A general rule I like to follow is :
‘20 mins a day, 2 hours a week, 2 days a month’.
This means trying to find 20 minutes a day to do something for you – this could be a hot cup of coffee in the sun, reading a book before bed, listening to a podcast on a brisk walk. Small pockets of time doing something that fills your cup. If you can get more than 20, even better! But starting small can be a good entry point.
2 hours a week means a small block of time each week where you can go out solo. Maybe it’s as mundane as doing the food shopping alone, or more fun like going to get your nails done.It could allow you to attend book club or go to the gym. For people looking after someone with high care needs, this may require arranging someone to cover you whilst your out (family, neighbour, paid carer) – if you’re not sure who might be available, feel free to give me a call and I can see what supports you may be eligible for.
2 days a month – this one can be more challenging, but having two full days (not necessarily consecutively) where you can do your own thing and not be ‘on’ will do wonders for your mental health. Some carers I’ve worked alongside would schedule their loved ones into cottage respite for a few nights every month. Others would book 2 weeks residential respite every 4 months. Knowing you can go to bed without thinking about someone and wake up in the morning only having to worry about yourself is wonderful. This might sound like a stretch, but it’s possible. Again, please reach out if you’d like help coordinating.
2. Have a list of ‘go-to’ supports
I find having a written list of ‘go-to’ people really helpful when I’m having a hard day. I started this when I had a newborn and found it so incredibly handy. When I was in the depths of exhaustion and needed someone to vent to, I would consult my list and see who might be available. These could be friends who understand your situation, family who also care for the individual or it could be someone entirely removed that can listen without judgement and support you.
Some days can be really tough for carers and it’s so important you have people you can speak openly with. If you don’t feel you have supports in your close network, you can access carer support groups through organisations like Carers SA - https://www.carerssa.com.au/. They can connect you with other carers who may be experiencing similar demands. Many illnesses like Parkinson’s, dementia and cancer also have specialised carer support groups that you can connect in with. If you need help linking in with a suitable group, please let me know and I can point you in the right direction.
3. Outsource where possible
If your caring load is starting to feel stressful or overwhelming, can you outsource some of the tasks?
Sometimes we can lose sight of the many different tasks that sit on our plate. It can be helpful to sit down and write a list of all the jobs and mental load you hold (e.g. washing, appointment planning, transport, medication management, showering etc). I find this task can actually be super validating – seeing all the jobs you’re trying to juggle on the page helps demonstrate why you may be feeling stressed or overwhelmed.
The next step is to try outsource – Can the chemist deliver the medications? Could your partner take on the food shopping and meals? Do you have any money spare in your budget to hire a cleaner to come fortnightly? Or could you ask your friend to come around and help with the gardening once a month?
Even offloading a few tasks can assist with lightening the load.
4. Proactively look after you
Many people (myself included!) wait for the wheels to fall off before seeking help, but there’s no shame in accessing support regularly even when you’re doing okay.
Talking to friends, attending carer support groups and booking respite don’t have to wait until a crisis. If anything, they are best used when proactively when you have time and energy to coordinate them (yes, more organising… but once they’re set up you’re good to go).
Examples:
- Schedule a weekly call with a friend to debrief
- Attend a local carer support group each month
- Have a reoccurring overnight respite booked
IF YOU KNOW A CARER
1. Check in on the carers in your life
Giving someone a quick call or sending them a text to let them know you’re thinking of them can go a long way to making carers feel seen and validated. Listening to their experiences with an open mind and giving them space to share their struggles is a priceless gift.
2. Random acts of kindness
Small acts of kindness like dropping a meal round, surprise flowers or offering to take their loved one to an appointment can mean so much to someone in the depths of carer stress.
3. Schedule a quarterly check-in
Caring for someone can quickly become overwhelming. Many carers are like ducks with their feet paddling endlessly under the water, but appearing calm and collected on the surface. Sometimes they don’t realise how burnout they are and need someone to help them get some perspective on the situation.
I recommend all my clients schedule regular check-ins as a family - 3 monthly is ideal. This enables the carer to know that an outlet is coming and helps ‘zoom out’ from their current situation. It also allows family or friends to keep up-to-date with what’s going on and offer support for the upcoming months.
As a family, we do these roughly quarterly and I find it so helpful. If nothing else, it’s great to keep everyone in the loop and helps me pause and reflect on how I’m going. It allows us to proactively plan support, so if I’m going away I know everything is already looked after.
If you want an objective scale to measure caregiver stress, you can use the Caregiver Burden Scale. This will help rate the impact of caregiving from minimal, mild, moderate or severe and for some can help prompt additional support.
I do believe that it’s all our responsibility to look after the carers in our community. Australia would not function without unpaid carers and it’s so important that we all do our part to ensure they feel valued, seen and supported.
As always, if you have any questions please feel free to send them through. I’m always happy to help point people in the right direction.
I finally released a new episode of ‘The Truth About Ageing’ ! This episode was all about the aged care reforms currently being passed through parliament. If you’d like to listen to the episode, search for the podcast in your fave podcast app and subscribe, you’ll be the first to know when new eps drop. You can also access the full back-catalogue of episodes through your favourite podcast app (Apple Podcasts, Spotify) or at www.navigateagedcare.com.au/podcast
Occasionally I also post updates on socials, which you can find at:
Facebook - @navigateagedcareau
Instagram - @thetruthaboutageing
Thank you again for being part of the Navigate gang. Please feel free to pass this newsletter on to a friend of family member - the more the merrier!
Big love,
Kate.
If you’d like to chat about your unique situation and gain a better understanding of options available to you, please book a free 15 minute consult via the ‘Book Now’ button below.
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